Friday, October 30, 2009

Of Button-fly Jeans and Reverse Boxers

I’m a jeans guy. It’s only at work that I’m compelled to wear slacks; otherwise, it’s jeans for this dude.

For the longest time that I have worn jeans it has always been the one with zipper. Hmmm…zipper…when I was still a kid zippers has been a constant nightmare! As the old saying goes, “once is enough for a wise guy”---well, apparently, I’m not wise during my pre-circumcision years since I remember two instances where I got my wiener caught in my fly! Ouch! Moral of the story---wear briefs!

Anyway, I inherited a button-fly jean from my brother which I have begun wearing only recently. It has a nice fit and Levis-esque quality to it. However, it’s quite a hassle when taking a leak! Unlike zippers, where you just pull down, with button-fly you still need to unbuckle your belt and unbutton from the top down before you can relieve yourself. Now it’s going to be messy if you’re all set to go and you’re wrestling with the buttons!
And then there’s boxer short. To facilitate a faster draw, I don’t button the slit where my hose is going to go out. It’s a two step launch---unzip and draw. Simple, right? Now here’s the complication---dressing in the dark.

Since I wake up early (usually around 3am), I have to dress up with only a night light on (unless I want to wake up my wife and kids). Coupled by my poor eyesight things can get a little bit confusing sometimes…like figuring out the front from the back end! So there I was doing my usual routine getting that boxer and putting them on. Everything was normal until I felt this urge to take a leak at the middle of composing an important e-mail. Not wanting to lose my line of thought I decided to defer to answer nature’s calling and went on with my composition. I held on until I was ready to burst and ran to the loo! Remember that simple process I was talking about earlier? Well, I unzipped real fast but then I couldn’t seem to get the draw part done! Now where is that stupid opening?! My subconscious told me that it’s there so I kept on groping, groping, groping---until I just couldn’t hold it any longer and just yanked down the frigging boxer! Whew! What a relief! Curious as to what just happened I got my pants down to check the cause of the “malfunction”. Lo and behold there it was---I was wearing my boxer backside front! No wonder I couldn’t find the slit! Moral of the story: buy a flashlight!

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