To My Wife

(A Valentine's blog for my wife posted in Friendster, February 14, 2008)

Well folks, it's Vday once more!
Sad thing about this day is that it falls 1 day short of payday, meaning, most of us, by this time have little or no more budget for a valentine's day gift or date! Bummer!
Take my case for instance. I'm so poor-doy right now that I only got my wife "pichi-pichi" last night when I got home---I didn't even get the chance to tell her it's her valentine's present until this morning! In fairness, the "pichi-pichi" was real treat! But one thing's for certain, the situation surely sapped the life out of romance! The whole fiasco turned even worse when I found a box of chocolates and a card from my dear wife in my bag this morning! Darn! How do I top that one?!
No dough, so buying a present would be out of the question! Well since I've got of 45 minutes travel time to the office I might as well make good use of it and wrote a poem:

To My Wife by Carlos Macarayan (February 2008)

Each day with you I celebrate
Every moment I treasure
Your smile,
Your kiss,
Your warm embrace,
I keep them all in my heart.
Every once in while
I'll pick from these memories
and reminisce,
To give me comfort in my solitude,
And Hope in my despair,
You are my anchor.
When I close my eyesI see you

The warmth of your smile

Exorcising all my fears

Keeping me sane

In this insane world.

Alanis' Angst

Inspired by the song "Ironic" by Alanis Morisette...

Alanis' Angst by Carlos Macarayan (1996)

Tell me Alanis
The story of your life,
About the man who hurt you
bad...and
The guy that would make you
Glad...
Tell me about your days
With the salvation army
Singing your songs
to the deaf
Trying to tell them your story---what a shame
Now look whose ears are plugged.
It truly is ironic---
Life, I mean
The Pauper
Now a zillionaire
Basking in the glitter of the paparazzi
Smiling amidst naked feet.
Let is all out Alanis---
All your hidden anger
And the pain that so burdened
your heart
Salving it with melody
The song of your life.

Missing You All!

The year 2008 is truly very special. For the first time in 11 years the complete brood of Macarayans from Blk 25 Lot 20(LAGRO) got together for a reunion! First to arrive, last December 12, was my sister, Conila, from Australia and her family(with her husband Arnold and daughters, Ella and Inna. Then came my brother, Bong, with his wife Fe, and siblings: Nico, Reujen, and Issa. The reunion was a real raucous!
My sister comes for a visit every so often but it was the first trip back to the Pinas for my brother in 11 years and it was a real treat seeing him and the rest of his family again!
Ten grandchildren were in the house for the New Year and a couple of occasions after that---it was a blast!! They were such fun moments that last January 10, 6:16am, my youngest son, Justin Matthew, decided to see what the fuzz was all about!! Now, that’s 11 “apos” loitering our household!
It was fun seeing the children bond! Chesca and Nico seemed to be lost talking about girly stuff; Issa, Colleen, Carl and Tim were playing all day; Reujen and Ringo squared it off on the basketball court. I would have loved to join in on the basketball court and play with the Macarayans vs Lagro game but my bum knee, asthma, and bad back prevented me to…old age, I guess…
Naturally, it was almost always a feast at home during this time---with my mother cooking up a storm to feed the idiosyncratic appetites of the family. Lucky for me, the cacophony of gastronomic fiesta ruined my appetite and I only ate in between washing the dishes(in small quantities, mind you!). Needless to say I didn’t gain much weight during the holidays! Well, not that I needed to anyway! 230 lbs for my 5”11 frame is already too much says my doctor!
Anyway, my sister went back to Australia last January 12 and my brother last January 18. Now all that remained were the reverberating echoes of screaming children and the boisterous laughter of reminiscing adults!
It’s sad that my brother and his family can only stay for 18 days. Everyday passed by so fast. Such a short time to catch up on things. Well, if you’ll ask my mother she’ll surely get sentimental about it. I guess that’s normal for mothers. But that’s something most would misinterpret until such time that we find ourselves missing our children when they have their own families…nonetheless, I’m thankful to God for giving us this opportunity to see each other once more!
Missing you all…

PS
To my dear nephew Reugen, in playing basketball with dirty players: (1) don't get mad---get even...discreetly(specially on official games; (2) play smart and let the ref see what needs to be seen(get my drift?); (3) practice, practice, practice and practice---great players made it big not because of talent alone!; (4) don't run too fast---"MADAPA KA!"

Goodbye, Nanay!

My mother-in-law died early morning of November 10 after a year long bout with a liver disease. We buried her in her last November 17 in her hometown of Dingle, Iloilo.

Nanay lived a very colorful life. Colorful in the tele-novela sort of way---but let's not go there. She was a very caring woman who was specially protective of her grandchildren. With her "apos", saying "no" took a real effort!

Knowing the value of hard earned money, nanay was very stringent about unscrupulous spending. However, she was very generous with her grandchildren specially when it comes to their basic needs.

Nanay was well loved by many. This was mainly because of the countless people she came to help during her lifetime. She would always find it in her good heart to help when the situation calls for it.

The ailment saw her getting in and out of the hospital---being drained of her bodily fluid since only 40% of her liver was functional. I have witnessed the calvary that she went through. It pained me to see her lying in the hospital bed with all those tubes stuck into her and unable to move on her own. Everyone was affected by her sickness.

As the hospital bills piled on Nanay's life-long savings got depleted. We all struggled to keep up with the bills. It was a very stressful situation which sometimes led to friction amongst siblings. It was a good thing that Nanay has got a good investment of friends who chipped in financial support during such financial crisis.

Nanay knew how much I hate mushy situations and she continually badgered me during her funeral---trying to make me cry...well, she succeeded and I had to immediately skirt away from the crowd and cried myself silly in my own little spot. She must have been laughing in her grave seeing me like that! Anyway, it was a good cry which let out a lot of my angst.

Thank you Nanay for all the support you have given us. We will surely miss you

The Day We Met

The Day We Met by Carlos Macarayan(1996)

We met one summer day in March
In the revelry of the blazing yellow sky,
Wearing your Sunday dress in pastel ellegance,
Your hazel brown eyes dancing about
Squinting...
Gazing at the ethereal spendor
of the Monetian sun...
On cobblestone path
You strolled
In the pageantry of nature's beauty
As the sunflowers stood in ovation
While the cypresses
Swayed and danced
To the rhythm
of your every step...
You were a sight like no other
The envy of the Louve
The avatar of every artist's dream
The scent of you filling the air
Sending me in oblivion
A moment etched in the Parthenon
of my mind...

Sorry

I have ghostwritten for a lot of my friends during my seminary days and if I'm to count the number of girls I got to court through my pen---I can say that I have had a lot of girlfriends during those times. The thing is, what I write on paper I cannot say when face to face with the opposite sex. I guess my gift for writing is to compensate for my being "torpe".

Even after we've gone our separate ways some of my former classmates would call me to commission my writing skills. This one was for a friend who got into some sort of a misunderstanding with a girl he's courting. They got hitched after a year.

Sorry by Carlos Macarayan(1996)

The thought of having
hurt you---
Fills me with dread,
Like an arrow lost in flight
Listless and wrenched,
The pervading pain,
Breaking my heart in two
Which only
The salve of your forgiveness
Can heal---I'm sorry...

Revenge

I wrote this after watching the movie "House of the Spirits". Such cruel tragedy!

Revenge by Carlos Macarayan(1996)

The wrath of a vengeful heart
demands a reckoning,
Against the same blood that
spawned such sin,
Boiling with anger
The broken mind ravages and raves
Blinded by the fire that rages
From deep within...

Life

Life by Carlos Macarayan(1996)

Life is but a phase
A state of being
In Love...
In Pain...
In Trepidation...
The ephemeral circumstance
Of feeling...
Struggling...
Striving...
To make a difference
In this abstract existence...

Innocence

The book "To Kill a Mockingbird" (Harper Lee) really got me riled up that i got to write two poems. If you haven't read it yet I suggest you do. It's a really nice book to ponder on.

Innocence by Carlos Macarayan(1996)

Is a young child's heart
That sees through the barrier
of color and race,
Unblemished by the vexation
of prejudice and bias
Innocence...
Is a child's subtlety of reason
That defy the interpolation
of avarice and greed,
His unending search for the light
amidst the darkness
Innocence...
Is a child's wanton naivete
That inhibits him
from fear and cowardice
The elixir that strenghtens him
to persevere and to stand fast
Innocence...
Is every child
Within us
That battles all our evils
And defies the logic
of the mature mind...

Sleepless

Written one sleepless night...

Sleepless by Carlos Macarayan(1996)

The silent night
drifts past,
Witnessed by the
crescent moon,
Its darkness---
A spell for dreams
and static thoughts...
Crickets in the shadows
The stacatto
of their opera,
Syncopated by
dog beats, and
The occasional rustle
of leaves,
Leaving me mesmerized,
Caught up in a labyrinth
of Stravinskian rhythm...
Still,
I remain awake
Nothing to do
But stare, and
Listen...
Another one of those
restless beings
In the dead of the night

Eternal

Eternal by Carlos Macarayan(1996)

Your picture flashes
From time to time
Intruding
In my solitude
Whispering...carressing
My lonely heart
Keeping me awake
With countless memories
Of moments that could have been
But never were...
In the silence of the corridor
I hear your voice
Enveloping me
Possessing me
Calling me...
You are a love
Lost---
In the labyrinth
of the past
The Phantom
That haunts
My restless soul
Cursing me
To the plight of longing
For you---in Eternity.

The Lonely Journey Home

I used to take the bike to and from work when I was just a service crew and going home at night was real something...got me a real close encounter with a bat once---let's just say we got to bond together for a little while!

The Lonely Journey Home by Carlos Macarayan(1994)

Alone on a deserted highway
Not a soul in sight
Only you, the tall "dayami", and
The symphonic croaking of frogs
Accompanying your every step...
Like swimming in murky waters
The darkness envelopes you
Heart pumping as
The rush of wind buffets
Cool blows upon your face...
Fear,
Often times would cling
To your being, and
As you go deeper into the night
You fight,
To keep control
Wrestling with ghouls and goblins
In your schizophernic mind...
But as the clouds give way to the moon
You see,
The reason for your journey
Illuminated by the laughter of children,
The Joy that pervades, and
Banishes all the fears,
Exorcising the anxieties of
The lonely journey...Home

My Friend, Ren

A birthday poem for a former colleague, Ren-Ren, ages ago...where ever she is I hope she's happy...

My Friend, Ren by Carlos Macarayan(1995)

I have a friend
Whose name is Ren
A real shiner
so says my pen
In a crowd,
She won't be ignored
For no matter how small
She'll be endowed
The queen of the ball
She has ivory white skin
Which looks good with yellow
A china doll face
Which is divine when mellow
Her rich brown hair
Cut down to a trim
Making her fair
Sexy and slim...ows?
Anyway,
It's her birthday todaySo let's give her her way
A year older
I guess she'll be bolder
But,
Come what may
A friend she'll stay

A Secret Place

A Secret Place by Carlos Macarayan(1995)

Often times
I'm in a blank
Thinking thoughts, and
Speaking words, which
trails the air
Into nothingness
Secrets,
A life long of secrets
Spoken only
To walls, and
Silent corridors
Singing songs
In a theater
Full of chairs
Memories,
Buried deep in
an abyss
In dreams, and
Empty castles
In the sky
Where the phantoms roam
And the princess dance.

Life

My boss would always tell us, "don't burn bridges". The wheel of life turns unpredictably. For all we know the people working for us today can be someone big in the future(maybe become our boss!). So it is very important that we never look down on people. Take the opportunity to be part of your subordinate's growth both personally and professionally. I am very fortunate that I have had good bosses(including my current one) who patiently took me under their tutelage and take me to where I am today. Now, I would like to do the same with my people and hope that I also impact their lives in as much as my bosses did mine!

Poems

I wrote this as my daughter Chesca's school assignment...

Poems by Carlos Macarayan(1995)

Is a treasure chest
Of emotions,
Spoken,
In metaphor, and
Vivid imagery,
A catharsis,
for turmoil and angst...
The trumpet for happiness, and
A monologue
for LOVE...

Quid Pro Quo

In other words, "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours."

People often times forget that in any relationship there should be give and take. Often times the narcissist in us prevails and we focus only on what we can take from others. This is bad karma!

Being in the customer service business this Latin phrase have proven itself countless times as I deal with both internal and external customers.

Leading a project involves inter-department and vendor coordination. As such, it is important that you have a good working relationship with them, otherwise, support will be a very rare commodity for you---and your project---is doomed from the start!

Striking a smooth working relationship with other people entails a lot of giving and less of the taking. This like saving for a rainy day. The more you give, the more emotional bank load you invest. This way whenever you are on the negotiating table there is always a compromise to all conflicts and the willingness to arrive at a win-win solution.

Child's Play

This was written when I was baby sitting my son Ringo when he 4 years...

Child's Play by Carlos Macarayan(1994)

To and fro,
To and fro,
Screaming and screeching,
Crouching...
Stalking,
The fiend with the crooked smile...
SHU-WING! Goes the man
in the dark suit,
"I am...Batman!"

Reverie (1989)

I wrote this poem while I was still courting my soon to be wife...

Reverie by Carlos Macarayan(1989)

Lend me your ears and
hear me say, "I love you"
Hold my hands and
feel me say, "I love you"
Yes I do and now you know,
That love for you is what makes me glow
Now, as I hold your hands and look
into your eyes
I ask, "Do you love me too?"
Am I wrong in hearing the words,
"Yes I do..."

Thinking of You

I co-wrote this poem in 1992 with a friend who was courting a girl(who soon became his wife)...

Thinking of You
by Joel Lee and Carlos Macarayan(1992)

It was a long cold night
in my little sleeping box
Unable to get a yawn nor wink
Amidst my sleeping suit and sox.
And so I thought of writing
A poem for you, my dear
Reminiscing those prcious moments
To exorcise all my fears.
But then I thought...
I am neither skilled nor capable
To think of words that rhyme
And so there I was flustered
Thinking hard while playing with my dime.
Ahh, but the thought of you
Gives me such strenght and inspiration
To go beyond myself,
And conquer this trepidation...
And so I think of you and sigh---
My hands and my mind possessed
As I find my quill pouring out words
That I have long wanted to confess...
I love you so and I always will
No matter the adversity
You will always be in my heart
For eternity.

Be Happy!

The most important component in finding true happiness is ACCEPTANCE.

This may seem to be a simple process but it is actually easier said than done. If you experience a nagging difficulty in any aspect of your life---it's likely that the cause of this problem is the failure to accept reality as it is.

There are certain things in life that we can change like job, address, haircut, girlfriend, boyfriend. However, there will be times when we cannot just change them on a whim. If you don't like your boss you don't just quit and say good riddance! Finding a job is hard nowadays. Your current house may not be as plush as you want it to be but do you have enough financial excess to move out and buy a new one? Or, you wanted to have a mohawk style hairdo but if you have a receding hairline like Bruce Willis there wouldn't be much hair to style. What I'm saying is---in order to be happy in life you should find contentment with what you have.

Resentment is a disease that eats up the soul! If you have an abundance of resentment in your heart there can never be room for happiness!

I cannot tell you what to do. All I can say is---IT'S NOT A GOOD FEELING TO BE RESENTFUL! So, I chose to be happy! Try it! You may find it worthwhile doing!

What Now, Brett?

And the Brett Favre comeback saga continues...
Apparently, the Packers organization has "moved on" to the post-Favre era and is now posturing Aaron Rodgers as their number 1 quarterback. Naturally, Favre wanted a release so he could show what he has still got in another team. Unfortunately, the Packers aint quite ready to release him just yet. Now, why is that?!
They've offered the number 2 spot which I think is an insult to Favre's stature! I'm sure Brett will not be amenable to this set up!
If I were the Packers---I'd let Brett play out the remainder of his contract (he's got one more year left) and have him redeem himself from last season's sorry loss to the Giants. That would be reason enough for him to really step it up one more notch to greatness!
But then, I'm not the Packers!

Dare to Dream!

"Mangahas kang mangarap!" That was what Dr. Onofre Pagsanghan was passionately preaching about during Jollibee's General Meeting last June 23, 2008. Dr. Pagsanghan or "Pagsi" as he is fondly called is an 81 year old Ateneo high school teacher whose teaching experience spans 57 years and counting!

I have had the privelege of hearing this man speak twice. The first one was during our department team building in Tagaytay. Although, he basically spoke of the same things, I was mesmerized a second time!

When I first saw him, I was wondered what this feable looking man has to say that will make me want to listen. He was close to balding and looked withered. There was, however, a certain spring to his stride as he went up the podium. To my surprise, he spoke with such energy, passion and the eloquence I couldn't help being capture by his every word! With his extra ordinary charisma he spoke of his life experience and transformed mundane moments into lessons that many of us can attribute to.

His message was simple, "Mangahas kang mangarap!"---"Dare to DREAM!"
Born from a poor family in Manila, Pagsi dreamt of studying in the Ateneo. A simingly impossible aspiration for someone whose family is barely able to make ends meet. But through the kindness of their parish priest coupled by persistence, perseverance, and an unwavering hope that there is life beyond the confines of poverty, he was able to prove that dreams can come true!

With S'Ato's declaration of the company's 2020 vision on international television, we find ourselves looking through the eyes of young Pagsi. Such a tall order for a small company to prance about in the land of giants!
The road towards this vision will definitely not be a walk in the park and considering that the international players are already entrenched and dug in, our path will be an uphill climb on rocky grounds.

"Mangahas kang mangarap!"---To open 4,000 stores world wide and be the best Asian food chain in the 2020 is definitely a long haul but with Pagsi's example he has taught us that YES, one can dream one's impossible dreams and try to reach for that unreachable star, only if one is ready to pay the price to make it a reality!

Talking About Brett Favre

I fellow football enthusiast told me last Thursday that Greenbay quarterback, Brett Favre, is mulling a return to active play after announcing his retirement a couple of months ago. Obviously I haven't been following the post-Superbowl news as of late---well, except for that teary retirement speech of Brett.

I root for two football teams in the NFL---the San Francisco 49'ers and the Greenbay Packers, but primarily the Niners. I recently shifted to the Packers when Steve Young retired.
When Brett got to the podium to bid his football career good-bye I was NFL comatosed. Who do I root for now that Brett decided he'd be fishing on the next football season? Anyway, the latest talk about a comeback stirred me from my slumber. True enough, when I logged in the NFL website, there it was---Brett is definitely coming back for, I'd guess, I more year! Can't blame him though. He ended last season with an interception filled game it must have like bile that wouldn't seem to wear off or a relationship turned sour that needed...closure.

Unfortunately, the Greenbay organization isn't about ready to get him back for the reason that they have already committed to the rebuilding of the team without Brett. So, I guess, it's going to be another team for Mr. Favre next season.

Question now is: "Who's going to gamble on a 40 year old quarterback?" I'm sure Brett won't settle for a secondary position. Well, if price wouldn't be an issue, I'm praying that the 49'ers would send an offer sheet. Their main quarterback, Alex Smith, didn't give impressive numbers last season. Maybe the 49'ers organization will see the possibility of giving Favre his last hurrah and at the same time let their young quarterbacks learn from the master. Wishful thinking? I guess we'll find out when the next season begins. For the meantime, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Note: This blog was a result of an excessive amount of ice coffee I just injested!