Amoy UTOT!

Nagbaon ako ng hard boiled egg for today.  After the ceremonial shell stripping, I indulged myself with a bite and got on with my work.  After a while I got distracted by a smell and asked myself, "Sinong UMUTOT?"  No sooner did I realize the remaining hard boiled egg beside me.  Para din palang durian ang hard boiled egg---MABANTOT pero MASARAP!

To Shave or Not to Shave? That is the Question.

I haven’t shaved for a while. Right now I have this three week old hair growth. Now why is that? Well, I have been looking at the same old mug staring at me in the mirror everyday and decided to just let the damn thing grow!

Actually, I only shave once a week. Usually on a Sunday. So by week’s end I have this centimeter long growth. By my reckoning, it’s already an inch long by this time.

My wife and mother don’t like it. They tell me that I look like Brutus. Hmmm…big, mustached guy---definitely like Brutus! But my two little boys seem to like the scruffy look. Justin likes rubbing the hair on my chin whenever he’d sit on my lap. Now I know how a goat feels like! Tim would stare and run his fingers all over.

My eight year old daughter Colleen likes it too. Well, Colleen likes me---PERIOD! I do believe she sees me as a big teddy bear! Clean or with the Cromagnon look!

I started shaving when I was in the seminary. I was second year high school. Everybody seemed to be shaving whenever it was lavatory time that I borrowed a shaver and just took off the baby hair on my face! Good thing I did not think my eyebrows as baby hair! Then I saw a couple of my classmates plucking on those critters and I asked, “Bakit?” E di para huwag tumigas yung buhok. Ooops! Too late!

I’d let it grow every once in a while during my seven year stay in the seminary just for the kick of it.

When I worked as a service crew and manager facial hair was a NO-NO. Food safety reason. Everyday was a shave day lest I earn the ire of my superior. My, my, did I get my share of scolding! That’s why whenever I was on my scheduled vacation leave I’d just stop shaving to break the monotony.

I guess not shaving is my way of purging myself from the constraints of my mundane existence and just hang loose. It isn’t that bad to look like Brutus every once in a while---not that I look better sans the facial hair!-lol

Of Button-fly Jeans and Reverse Boxers

I’m a jeans guy. It’s only at work that I’m compelled to wear slacks; otherwise, it’s jeans for this dude.

For the longest time that I have worn jeans it has always been the one with zipper. Hmmm…zipper…when I was still a kid zippers has been a constant nightmare! As the old saying goes, “once is enough for a wise guy”---well, apparently, I’m not wise during my pre-circumcision years since I remember two instances where I got my wiener caught in my fly! Ouch! Moral of the story---wear briefs!

Anyway, I inherited a button-fly jean from my brother which I have begun wearing only recently. It has a nice fit and Levis-esque quality to it. However, it’s quite a hassle when taking a leak! Unlike zippers, where you just pull down, with button-fly you still need to unbuckle your belt and unbutton from the top down before you can relieve yourself. Now it’s going to be messy if you’re all set to go and you’re wrestling with the buttons!

And then there’s boxer short. To facilitate a faster draw, I don’t button the slit where my hose is going to go out. It’s a two step launch---unzip and draw. Simple, right? Now here’s the complication---dressing in the dark.

Since I wake up early (usually around 3am), I have to dress up with only a night light on (unless I want to wake up my wife and kids). Coupled by my poor eyesight things can get a little bit confusing sometimes…like figuring out the front from the back end! So there I was doing my usual routine getting that boxer and putting them on. Everything was normal until I felt this urge to take a leak at the middle of composing an important e-mail. Not wanting to lose my line of thought I decided to defer to answer nature’s calling and went on with my composition. I held on until I was ready to burst and ran to the loo! Remember that simple process I was talking about earlier? Well, I unzipped real fast but then I couldn’t seem to get the draw part done! Now where is that stupid opening?! My subconscious told me that it’s there so I kept on groping, groping, groping---until I just couldn’t hold it any longer and just yanked down the frigging boxer! Whew! What a relief! Curious as to what just happened I got my pants down to check the cause of the “malfunction”. Lo and behold there it was---I was wearing my boxer backside front! No wonder I couldn’t find the slit! Moral of the story: buy a flashlight!